​KOL NIDRE 5780: FOUR STEPS TO TESHUVA

 
G’mar Tov.
 
It’s surprising that Kol Nidrei serves as the highlight prayer of the Jewish Year.  After all, what is the prayer but a formalized retraction of oaths?  
 
“All vows, prohibitions, oaths, consecrations or equivalent terms that we may vow, swear or prohibit upon ourselves, from the date of this Yom Kippur to the following one… are to be considered abandoned, cancelled, null and void.”
 
This is the highlight of sacred worship?  A legal declaration?
 
Surprisingly, the idea is not as absurd as it seems.
 
Take, for example, a Jewish wedding.  Beyond the ritual elements, a Jewish marriage is consecrated… through a contract.  The ketubah, for all its beauty and florid prose, is ultimately a contractual arrangement between bride & groom.  
 
The notion of a covenant - or brit - is also a contractual agreement: In recognition or exchange for such-and-such, the counterparty promises to do x.  Such covenants in Torah may be person-to-person, nation-to-nation, or between humanity and G-d.  The nature of covenant extends beyond mere legal contract, however, to a deep, solemn, sacred alliance which may extend across generations, even to eternity.
 
So it’s not altogether absurd for Jews to rally together to make legal declarations!
 
Yet still, Kol Nidre itself remains problematic.  Why an annulment of oaths?  What is its great significance?
 

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One of the main anchorpoints of Judaism is halacha - Jewish law.  Our services, rituals, celebrations, prohibitions and ethical behaviour are fundamentally grounded in Jewish legality, including statutory, regulatory and case law from multiple jurists and jurisdictions, with careful note of minority opinions.  We do not believe that the analytic legalism of our religion need detract from our spirituality -- rather, it enhances our understanding of our religion, while guiding us with precision in our conduct.
 
There is something even more profound and fundamental than law: and that is the WORD, the spoken and written word.  Words have enormous power within Judaism.  The world was created through the Word of G-d.  Creation begins with, “And G-d said, “Let there be light” - and then there was light”.  Each aspect of Creation is preceded by G-d’s saying what will be created.  Words are the means through which Hashem enacts divine power on Earth.
 
Our human capacity for language is not trivial, it distinguishes humanity from the animal kingdom.  Hashem states that Humanity is created “b’tzelem elokim”, in the image of G-d.  What is that image if not the ability to reason & analyze, and communicate said reason through the capacity of language?
 
From that perspective, Kol Nidre is not merely a dry statement.  Our promises, our utterances are not mere sounds - our words have the capacity to create reality.  When we speak, we generate a reality.  When we lie or mislead, we use our words to distort that reality.  When we promise then fail to execute our promise, we create an imbalance in the world around us.  
 
Kol Nidre, and the process of teshuva more broadly, is about restoring that balance.  It is about humbly letting the air out of our balloon and saying, “We are likely to fall short of our words and promises.”  There is no such thing as humanity without failure.
 
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Yet the acknowledgement and awareness of our own human failings is not simple, and the process of teshuva is fraught with difficulty.  SImply saying, “I’m sorry” may not be enough.  A more elaborate articulation of the process of Teshuva is provided by Maimonides, who suggests the following elements of Teshuva:
 
a.             Awareness
b.             Stopping
c.             Communicating
d.             Resolution
 
These steps are not sequential, but can occur each at their own time, as we proceed in our emotional journeys.
 
Awareness involves recognition of our wrongdoing, and openness to regret. We can stop trying to pretend we’re perfect or flawless… because we’re not. Saying sorry is a start. It is even better to delve deeper and understand what we have done. If someone else is angry or critical of us, we can seek their feedback or clarification, to understand our role in a given situation, and what its impact may have been on others.  Yom Kippur gives us permission to look at ourselves honestly and acknowledge our accountability.
 
Next is stopping.  Before trying to make amends, or repair a situation, or hide it under the rug, we do ourselves a favour by simply stopping for a moment.  That stopping may mean simply sitting with the fears and emotions that are driving our behaviour.  It may mean we can gently remind ourselves of our choice not to engage in the negative behaviour.  Maybe we can put a stop to a bad situation, either gradually or immediately.  Or it may mean we stop the cycle of negativity and rumination in our head; stop trying to solve a problem that is unsolvable.  When we stop, we allow ourselves to recognize what may be compelling us towards doing things we later regret, and present a moment for compassion - rachamim - to enter.
 
Communicating is what we do on Yom Kippur.  We use our words to state openly that we have done wrong, individually and collectively.  At the very least, we use the formula of the Vidui prayer - the confession - to verbally acknowledge our failings. Even better is to seek out other people we may have wronged, and speak to them to resolve a difficult situation.  We can also use Yom Kippur as an opportunity to share our heartfelt thoughts and emotions with Hashem, knowing that G-d shows extraordinary, loving compassion on this day.  The opportunity to obtain forgiveness may give us the courage to open up and let ourselves be vulnerable.
 
Resolution occurs in a number of ways.  We can speak to someone we may have wronged and try to make things right.  Or we can face a difficult situation again, and choose to act differently this time.  Or we can prevent others from committing the same wrongdoing as us, or prevent others from being harmed the way we were.  Ultimately, rather than simply doing Vidui, it is the full process of teshuva including resolution that we aim for.
 
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Kol Nidre is part of a process in which recognize our humanity and vulnerability, where we open up our hearts to the possibility of our failings and the possibility of repairing these failings.
 
Before Kol Nidre, we say, “Anu Matirin lehitpalel im ha’avaryanim” - we hereby grant permission for our congregation to pray and reflect in the presence of transgressors.  Yom Kippur is not targeted towards the holiest and most sacred.  It is targeted towards the very worst in us and among us - the very human, very fallible, lowliest aspects which we may conceal in shame or deny even exist.  We bring the weeds of our soul out into the sunlight - where they can grow into the flowers they’re meant to become.
 
Our words and ideas have the capacity to create and destroy.  The power of Bracha and Kelalah, blessing and curse, signify that what we think and say can save life or erase life.  Kol Nidre is about the recognition of that deep power.  May we use it for healing ourselves and the worlds around us, in the year to come.
 
G’mar Hatimah Tovah.